Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
