When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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