And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
