I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
