Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?

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(206): View more from Washington

i want to swaddle you in tequila

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(714): View more from California

if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.

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(207): View more from Maine

She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

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(519): View more from Ontario

She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has

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(815): View more from Illinois

But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

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(719): View more from Colorado

The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.

(303): View more from Colorado

Why are you rhyming?

(719): View more from Colorado

Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.

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(512): View more from Texas

at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river

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