I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
