Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
