Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
