OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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