If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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