Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
