I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
