Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
