and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
