wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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