It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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