I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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