moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if only i could text you this smell
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just had sex on a roof
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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