college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she told me i tasted like america
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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