we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
