There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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