I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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