Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
