That's when you crack a 10am beer
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
