Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
