I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You were trust falling into bushes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
