my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
