At least make sure they are 18
Why
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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