She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
