Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
