Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
