When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
