i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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