yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
