hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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