Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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