Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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