I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
