U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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