I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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