if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
