I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
