I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
