There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
