Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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