she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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