It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
