went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
