that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
