I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
