I looked at my own cervix.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
