what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
