did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
